Day
315: Jun 21, 2015
Today
we are going to focus a little bit on grace. We, as humanity, need to
find grace and the ability to forgive. If we can learn to forgive
gracefully maybe, just maybe, we can live in a more peaceful world.
That was the general topic of the sermon tonight and I think it is an
interesting idea. Bad things happen and there are bad people in this
world. However, I wonder, if the vast majority of us can spread grace
and forgiveness like many family and friends of victims from the
recent shooting in South Carolina did (they forgave him over a video
feed after he was arrested) what will our world look like? I mean,
there are moments here when I can see an instance where it might be
hard to forgive. For example, I just found out that two friends here
broke up because one of them cheated on the other while said cheater
was out of the village. They broke up but the question is, does the
one show grace and forgive? I don't know but it does show how hard
even forgiving relatively small things can be. As humans, are we even
really able to truly forgive right away? I am not saying that I am
perfect and can show grace to all. I mean, I think there is someone
who used to be in my life who I haven't truly forgiven. I moved
passed the bad stuff and moved past her but deep down, I am really
not sure that I have forgiven her. And if I saw to her, “I forgive
you” will that really result in me truly forgiving her? I can show
her grace. I can be kind even though I do not think she deserves it
but I guess I don't necessarily need to forgive her if I can show her
grace. And that is the difference between grace and forgiveness.
Forgiving means that I would have to change my negative feelings and
wish her well. I can wish her well at this point. I can hope that she
has learned and has become a better person but I don't think I am a
good enough person yet to fulling forgive her. However, grace means
that I can show her kindness even though I may not think she deserves
it.
Thanks
for reading my babble but I think I have come to a conclusion- even
if we feel that we cannot forgive we should at least strive to be
able to show grace.
Day
316: Jun 22, 2015
Most
of the day was pretty normal but after vespers Sam, Levi, and I
played with some Nerf guns and our cornhole game. At first, I was
really struggling but eventually got into the groove and played
pretty well. It was a ton of fun and ended the day nicely. That was
until I saw that one of my favorite teachers, Mr. Conway, was not
doing real well. I knew he had cancer but it looks like he is doing
worse. At first I was sitting in my room silently crying but then I
heard Levi playing a song on his guitar. I figured being with someone
would be better than being alone. Plus, it was a happy song that he
was playing. I walked in with tears streaming down my face so, of
course, he stopped playing to ask what was wrong. I told him to just
keep playing. Once I had calmed down a little I told him in my then
plugged up nose voice. He then continued to play and we shared a few
laughs before I figured I was tired enough that I would fall asleep
quickly. It was kind of a downer to end on but was good to know that
I have people here that I can lean on.
Day
317: Jun 23, 2015
Oh
man, tonight was awesome! We had a dodgeball tournament after an
outdoor vespers. Vespers was beautiful but the real fun started when
we headed to the VC. There were about 8 teams and we played double
elimination. Luckily the games were pretty quick but a village team
got 2nd place (that was way better than we could have
wished)! I just watched but it was so much fun. I think next time I
will sponsor a team. I will make t-shirts and everything. I really
hope we do another tournament.
Day
318: Jun 24, 2015
The
day started out on an exciting note. The fire alarm wail went off at
6:00am. At first I didn't hear it but about 20 seconds after it
started I hear it and ran to the PA system and announced where the
alarm was and all that jazz. It was kind of funny to see the look on
the faces of my regular construction workers' faces as they walked in
and saw me making the announcement. It was kinda hilarious. It ended
up being a false alarm so all was good. Most of the day was pretty
routine otherwise until vespers when we surprised our outgoing
directors with a vespers about them. They are leaving on Saturday so
it was our last real chance to do something before a ridiculous
amount of people come in for board weekend and the installation of
the new directors. We made up a vespers celebrating them as a work of
art and then did a social remediation on them so that they would be
ready when they enter the “real” world. We had a school bus
etiquette section where we decided that it is basically never
appropriate to wave at buses unless your kids are on it. There was a
ton of laughter and a few tears but it was a wonderful way to send
them out. Afterwards, I hung out in Levi's room as he made up
melodies to songs in the hymnal (songs that pretty much every
Lutheran who goes to church would know). I even recorded part of his
version of Go Tell It On The Mountain. His versions were amazingly
beautiful especially since they were made up on the spot.
Day
319: Jun 25, 2015
It
is a lovely night. The temperature is perfect, the hummingbirds are
humming, the porch is full of friends and music. It should make me
happy and it does but there is still a dark cloud over my head. I
found out that my grandpa is in the hospital with an infection in his
leg. He is getting antibiotics through an IV. In theory, he should be
ok but you never know. The older you get, the harder it is to heal. I
think what scares me more is that he says it doesn't hurt when the
doctor said he should be in agony. I know that when I got hurt I
should have been in pain but wasn't and maybe this is a similar
situation but it is still scary nonetheless. I guess this is what
prayer and friends are for. Hope and support.
Day
320: Jun 26, 2015
Man,
it was a sweltering day. According to the thermometers on some of the
remediation equipment, it got to 105 degrees today. I mean, it was
still in the 90s by dinner time. Luckily, it is still cool in my
room. I usually have the curtains drawn and the window closed so I
think that helped. On a completely separate note, I am always amazed
by the support and kindness of this place. Today was prayer around
the cross for vespers and since I have two people in my life who are
struggling with their health I decided to go to the spot that tells
other that you would like them to pray with you. I held it together
pretty well and got a hug or two after getting up. What really struck
me though was when Laura beckoned me to come and pray with her in the
same spot later. It felt like she was praying for me and whatever I
was praying for. I have no idea if that was the case but it
definitely felt that way and I ended up so teary and snot-drippy that
I had to wipe my nose on my shoulder. It was a really touching
moment. After everyone left, I was still hanging out there with Levi
and as I went to blow out the candles he started to play the song
that he was playing last time to cheer me up. It was so sweet and
made me laugh since it is SO not a song for a church setting. The day
closed with an ice cream/dance party celebrating the departing
directors and their family. It was a nice end to the day.
Day
321: Jun 27, 2015
Today
was about as long as a day can be. I worked my normal hours and then
had to help get things ready for the installation of of the new
directors. The installation was at 2 and went for 2 hours. So at 4
there was a bookstore sale where things were 90% off. I got two
shirts for a total of $3, a big towel for $2, and some pottery for $9
more. That was the best part of the afternoon. The whole day was hot
and I didn't get a nap. So the day was fun but tiring in general but
in the middle of the day my ex contacted me and told me that a mutual
teacher of ours that was my favorite and most influential teacher
passed away last night. In memoriam, I decided to write a letter to
him. Here it is:
Dear
Conway,
I
am at a loss for words. You died last night. I prayed for you during
vespers last night. I thought I would cry while praying but I felt
oddly calm. It was as if I knew that you had already passed and that
you were now at peace. It was almost as if you were comforting me,
letting me know that it was ok and that you weren't suffering
anymore. Maybe it was you that was comforting me. They say you died
in your sleep so it is possible that you had already passed. I don't
know if I believe that those who have passed can have that ability to
comfort those who grieve for them but I would like to think so. If it
was you, thank you. It wouldn't surprise me if it was you. It would
be fitting with the Conway that I knew. You have truly changed and
inspired many lives. I can't even imagine the number of lives that
you changed and even saved. I saw how you worked with kids who were
about to go down the wrong path and changed their direction. I
remember the moment that you began to change my life. It was my
freshman year and I was coming to stage crew intermittently and you
were still kind of scary to me. You called me over and told me that I
was needed. Knowing that I was needed was one of the things that
helped me through the rough times of sophomore and junior year.
Without the knowledge that you were back at school waiting for me and
supporting me, I know that it would have been nearly impossible to
climb out of the deep, dark abyss that I was in. You were supportive
to all of us and treated us like your children- you didn't take any
nonsense from us and pushed us to be our best but you also showed us
love, either by bringing Deerfield Bakery to weekend work days or
talking to us in your office. You were a mentor to many and inspired
a love for different aspects of theatre in many. I know many of us
have or will go into different areas of the theatre professionally
and many more will participate in community theatre or school
productions. You provided the support and the push so that we could
be proud of the work we did. You pushed us to work as professionals
and to put on shows that rivaled professional shows and were
certainly better than the productions at my college. You had the
faith in us. You believed that we could put on quality shows and
chose productions that you knew we could pull off and excel at. You
always had high expectations of us but they were realistic
expectations. You were disappointed in us when we deserved it and
praised us in the same way. You made us want to make you proud. You
will be missed dearly but will never truly be gone. There will be
teachers who were inspired to teach theater because of you. There
will be professionals that will inspire others because of you. You
were an inspiration to us all. Thank you and I hope you are at peace
now.
With
love and sadness,
Hannah
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