Week 46

Day 315: Jun 21, 2015

Today we are going to focus a little bit on grace. We, as humanity, need to find grace and the ability to forgive. If we can learn to forgive gracefully maybe, just maybe, we can live in a more peaceful world. That was the general topic of the sermon tonight and I think it is an interesting idea. Bad things happen and there are bad people in this world. However, I wonder, if the vast majority of us can spread grace and forgiveness like many family and friends of victims from the recent shooting in South Carolina did (they forgave him over a video feed after he was arrested) what will our world look like? I mean, there are moments here when I can see an instance where it might be hard to forgive. For example, I just found out that two friends here broke up because one of them cheated on the other while said cheater was out of the village. They broke up but the question is, does the one show grace and forgive? I don't know but it does show how hard even forgiving relatively small things can be. As humans, are we even really able to truly forgive right away? I am not saying that I am perfect and can show grace to all. I mean, I think there is someone who used to be in my life who I haven't truly forgiven. I moved passed the bad stuff and moved past her but deep down, I am really not sure that I have forgiven her. And if I saw to her, “I forgive you” will that really result in me truly forgiving her? I can show her grace. I can be kind even though I do not think she deserves it but I guess I don't necessarily need to forgive her if I can show her grace. And that is the difference between grace and forgiveness. Forgiving means that I would have to change my negative feelings and wish her well. I can wish her well at this point. I can hope that she has learned and has become a better person but I don't think I am a good enough person yet to fulling forgive her. However, grace means that I can show her kindness even though I may not think she deserves it.

Thanks for reading my babble but I think I have come to a conclusion- even if we feel that we cannot forgive we should at least strive to be able to show grace.

Day 316: Jun 22, 2015

Most of the day was pretty normal but after vespers Sam, Levi, and I played with some Nerf guns and our cornhole game. At first, I was really struggling but eventually got into the groove and played pretty well. It was a ton of fun and ended the day nicely. That was until I saw that one of my favorite teachers, Mr. Conway, was not doing real well. I knew he had cancer but it looks like he is doing worse. At first I was sitting in my room silently crying but then I heard Levi playing a song on his guitar. I figured being with someone would be better than being alone. Plus, it was a happy song that he was playing. I walked in with tears streaming down my face so, of course, he stopped playing to ask what was wrong. I told him to just keep playing. Once I had calmed down a little I told him in my then plugged up nose voice. He then continued to play and we shared a few laughs before I figured I was tired enough that I would fall asleep quickly. It was kind of a downer to end on but was good to know that I have people here that I can lean on.

Day 317: Jun 23, 2015

Oh man, tonight was awesome! We had a dodgeball tournament after an outdoor vespers. Vespers was beautiful but the real fun started when we headed to the VC. There were about 8 teams and we played double elimination. Luckily the games were pretty quick but a village team got 2^nd place (that was way better than we could have wished)! I just watched but it was so much fun. I think next time I will sponsor a team. I will make t-shirts and everything. I really hope we do another tournament.

Day 318: Jun 24, 2015

The day started out on an exciting note. The fire alarm wail went off at 6:00am. At first I didn't hear it but about 20 seconds after it started I hear it and ran to the PA system and announced where the alarm was and all that jazz. It was kind of funny to see the look on the faces of my regular construction workers' faces as they walked in and saw me making the announcement. It was kinda hilarious. It ended up being a false alarm so all was good. Most of the day was pretty routine otherwise until vespers when we surprised our outgoing directors with a vespers about them. They are leaving on Saturday so it was our last real chance to do something before a ridiculous amount of people come in for board weekend and the installation of the new directors. We made up a vespers celebrating them as a work of art and then did a social remediation on them so that they would be ready when they enter the “real” world. We had a school bus etiquette section where we decided that it is basically never appropriate to wave at buses unless your kids are on it. There was a ton of laughter and a few tears but it was a wonderful way to send them out. Afterwards, I hung out in Levi's room as he made up melodies to songs in the hymnal (songs that pretty much every Lutheran who goes to church would know). I even recorded part of his version of Go Tell It On The Mountain. His versions were amazingly beautiful especially since they were made up on the spot.

Day 319: Jun 25, 2015

It is a lovely night. The temperature is perfect, the hummingbirds are humming, the porch is full of friends and music. It should make me happy and it does but there is still a dark cloud over my head. I found out that my grandpa is in the hospital with an infection in his leg. He is getting antibiotics through an IV. In theory, he should be ok but you never know. The older you get, the harder it is to heal. I think what scares me more is that he says it doesn't hurt when the doctor said he should be in agony. I know that when I got hurt I should have been in pain but wasn't and maybe this is a similar situation but it is still scary nonetheless. I guess this is what prayer and friends are for. Hope and support.

Day 320: Jun 26, 2015

Man, it was a sweltering day. According to the thermometers on some of the remediation equipment, it got to 105 degrees today. I mean, it was still in the 90s by dinner time. Luckily, it is still cool in my room. I usually have the curtains drawn and the window closed so I think that helped. On a completely separate note, I am always amazed by the support and kindness of this place. Today was prayer around the cross for vespers and since I have two people in my life who are struggling with their health I decided to go to the spot that tells other that you would like them to pray with you. I held it together pretty well and got a hug or two after getting up. What really struck me though was when Laura beckoned me to come and pray with her in the same spot later. It felt like she was praying for me and whatever I was praying for. I have no idea if that was the case but it definitely felt that way and I ended up so teary and snot-drippy that I had to wipe my nose on my shoulder. It was a really touching moment. After everyone left, I was still hanging out there with Levi and as I went to blow out the candles he started to play the song that he was playing last time to cheer me up. It was so sweet and made me laugh since it is SO not a song for a church setting. The day closed with an ice cream/dance party celebrating the departing directors and their family. It was a nice end to the day.

Day 321: Jun 27, 2015

Today was about as long as a day can be. I worked my normal hours and then had to help get things ready for the installation of of the new directors. The installation was at 2 and went for 2 hours. So at 4 there was a bookstore sale where things were 90% off. I got two shirts for a total of $3, a big towel for $2, and some pottery for $9 more. That was the best part of the afternoon. The whole day was hot and I didn't get a nap. So the day was fun but tiring in general but in the middle of the day my ex contacted me and told me that a mutual teacher of ours that was my favorite and most influential teacher passed away last night. In memoriam, I decided to write a letter to him. Here it is:

Dear Conway,

I am at a loss for words. You died last night. I prayed for you during vespers last night. I thought I would cry while praying but I felt oddly calm. It was as if I knew that you had already passed and that you were now at peace. It was almost as if you were comforting me, letting me know that it was ok and that you weren't suffering anymore. Maybe it was you that was comforting me. They say you died in your sleep so it is possible that you had already passed. I don't know if I believe that those who have passed can have that ability to comfort those who grieve for them but I would like to think so. If it was you, thank you. It wouldn't surprise me if it was you. It would be fitting with the Conway that I knew. You have truly changed and inspired many lives. I can't even imagine the number of lives that you changed and even saved. I saw how you worked with kids who were about to go down the wrong path and changed their direction. I remember the moment that you began to change my life. It was my freshman year and I was coming to stage crew intermittently and you were still kind of scary to me. You called me over and told me that I was needed. Knowing that I was needed was one of the things that helped me through the rough times of sophomore and junior year. Without the knowledge that you were back at school waiting for me and supporting me, I know that it would have been nearly impossible to climb out of the deep, dark abyss that I was in. You were supportive to all of us and treated us like your children- you didn't take any nonsense from us and pushed us to be our best but you also showed us love, either by bringing Deerfield Bakery to weekend work days or talking to us in your office. You were a mentor to many and inspired a love for different aspects of theatre in many. I know many of us have or will go into different areas of the theatre professionally and many more will participate in community theatre or school productions. You provided the support and the push so that we could be proud of the work we did. You pushed us to work as professionals and to put on shows that rivaled professional shows and were certainly better than the productions at my college. You had the faith in us. You believed that we could put on quality shows and chose productions that you knew we could pull off and excel at. You always had high expectations of us but they were realistic expectations. You were disappointed in us when we deserved it and praised us in the same way. You made us want to make you proud. You will be missed dearly but will never truly be gone. There will be teachers who were inspired to teach theater because of you. There will be professionals that will inspire others because of you. You were an inspiration to us all. Thank you and I hope you are at peace now.

With love and sadness,

Hannah

Week 45

Day 308: Jun 14, 2015

Well, the vacation is ending. We packed up the car and headed to the airport. We said our goodbyes and then I realized that my flight was going to be a half hour late which meant that I was only going to have 20 minutes in Seattle. Needless to say, I was a little concerned. It turned out that I was on the same plane that I was going to take to Wenatchee so it worked out perfectly. Otherwise, it was a boring night.

Day 309: Jun 15, 2015

Today was long. I got up early to catch the earlier bus to the boat dock. It just made it easier on me because if I missed it I still had an opportunity to catch the next one. Plus, I was awake anyway so why not sit and read at the boat dock instead of my hotel room. So I sat at the boat dock for about 2 hours and then sat on a boat for four hours and then sat on a bus for a half hour. The boat ride felt like forever but I talked to one of my ESS friends, Katie. She is awesome. She knows how much I love Goldfish crackers and how sad I was that they don't have them in the mornings anymore so she bought a 3lb box of Goldfish and gave them to me. It was amazing and I love her for it. I figure I can't and shouldn't eat that many Goldfish in a month and a half so I am going to share them around. I already gave one of the three bags to the lady who is doing daycare for the kids that are left. I figure I will keep one for myself and split the other bag amongst friends.

Day 310: Jun 16, 2015

Back to the grindstone. Things were pretty good except that we are basically out of regular coffee which meant that I had to grab some from ESS. Their coffee is pre-ground which kinda sucks but I had to grind it again so that it would be the right size for espresso. We did find out, though, that the coffee over there is not as good in the first place but that I can still make it better than the urns can. I ended the day with a game of Forbidden Desert and just hanging out with friends.

Day 311: Jun 17, 2015

A pretty normal, pretty boring day. Most of the rest of the kids in the village will be gone by the end of the week... It is going to be quiet and kinda sad.

Day 312: Jun 18, 2015

This morning I saw 8-10 hummingbirds on our hummingbird feeder as I left the house for work. It was pretty amazing.

Musings about grey vs black and white

I think if my life leads to nothing else I want to help people to realize that nothing in the world is black and white. We live in a world of grays. I would argue that nothing is entirely good or entirely bad. Heck, I can think of some absolutely horrible people who have done unimaginable harm and yet, (as hard as it might be to admit) there were good things that came out of it. I find it is hardest to see the positive on recent horrible events in particular so lets try. I am going to take the example of the shooting at a church in South Carolina. Don't get me wrong, it was a horrible and tragic event but if you look at the responses around the internet you can see the little bits of positive resulting from the negative. It is turning an inky black incident into a dark grey event. People are banning together. A politician, and maybe more than one, is asking people to donate to the church rather than his campaign (and then not going to the town to receive the hero status that is kinda deserved. He is keeping the focus on the community rather than himself). People of all races are coming together to condemn the actions that this man took. I think it is sad that it took something like this to bring people together but it has and that is a positive result. (Again, what he did was horrendous and inexcusable. This is just an example of how even the darkest of things/events/people are really just shades of gray.) If you are reading this and disagree I would love to hear an example- either one that you would consider “pure white” (or entirely good) or one that you would consider the darkest, inkiest of “black” (or entirely bad). Challenge me, please. This issue of people not thinking about both sides of an issue is probably one of the most frustrating things in my life right now and if I can get more people to think about both the good and bad maybe the world won't be seem like as bad of a place as some see it.

Day 313: Jun 19, 2015

Well, I saw a mouse in our house. I saw it run under the stove so I quickly set about 5 traps around the stove. That damn mouse is going to get caught. If it were winter I would feel a little more bad about it because it would be just trying to get out of the cold but it is warm out now and he has plenty of food, warmth and shelter outside now and has no excuse for being in here. I also decided to implement the cat fur that my lovely kitty sent me. I put it around my door in the hopes of deterring it from entering my abode.

Day 314: Jun 20, 2015

This afternoon and evening was amazing. Leah, Levi, Jesus, and I all headed down to the “swimming hole” down by the wood lot. It is basically a deep spot in the river right where the river quickly widens so it is a fairly calm spot. It wasn't all that warm out but I had fun crossing the river on some logs and we played some Phase 10. It was definitely worth not taking a nap. After vespers, we had a variety show. I think it was the funniest one yet. I thought Riley was going to suffocate from laughing so hard. It was hilarious and amazing. I even ended up volunteering for a harmonica solo that I didn't know I was going to do and not to toot my own horn, I was pretty good.

Week 44

Day 301: Jun 7, 2015

We saw 4 black bears today and one was a cub! We also saw hundreds of bison, a few antelope and a few elk. It was a nice day.

Day 302: Jun 8, 2015

We ended up coming back early today. We did a hike around the Norris geysers and I think got too much sun so my dad and I did not feel good in the afternoon and called it a day a little early and came back and took a nap

Day 303: Jun 9, 2015

Most of today was spent in the car by my dad and I did hike down and up a bunch of switchbacks to see a waterfall up close. It was worth it but by the time we were done I could really feel it in my calves. We saw a trumpeter swan and some elk as well as more people being stupid. Some were walking off the path and getting too close to thermal features. They have no idea how thick the crust is between where they are stepping and the incredibly hot water, steam, and mud. We also saw quite a few people get within 10-15 feet of an elk and a bison. I mean, there have been 2 attacks on tourists who got too close in the last few weeks. Maybe I am being overly cautious but, hey, I like to spend my vacation outside of the hospital. I think the thing that bothers me the most though, is when I see people stepping on these incredible geological features and then ruin it for others. You can see where people have stepped. You can see where people have sunk through into the water. It just really ruins the beauty. So if you are reading this, I beg you to stay on the paths in national parks, especially in Yellowstone.

Day 304: Jun 10, 2015

Today we went and saw Ol' Faithful. While we were there we saw the geyser called Beehive go off which was pretty cool since it is an unpredictable geyser and goes off whenever it damn well pleases. On our way to Ol' Faithful we drove through an area of other geysers and saw a pink volcano geyser that was colored pink by the trace amounts of manganese in the erupting water. In another area we saw other cool geysers that go off every 5-7 hours or so with buffalo in the background it was pretty picturesque.

Day 305: Jun 11, 2015

Today we headed to the Tetons and spent so much time there that we didn't get back to our room until 12:30pm. It was partly because we decided to stay for the sunset which doesn't happen until 9:30-10:00. Of course, the place where we decided to stop for the sunset was the place where Ansel Adams took a famous picture of the Tetons so there were tons of photographers there for my dad to talk to. Most were shooting digital but there was one who was shooting film and he was quite the character. He talked super fast but he and my dad had a really good conversation about how the famous photographers actually end up making it. Turns out it isn't because they are that much better but because they know how to market themselves. While we were waiting for sunset, I looked around and saw two beavers in the river that we were on the edge of. They were really cute so I took a bunch of pictures.By the time we got back we were all exhausted but we were welcomed by a star filled sky.

Day 306: Jun 12, 2015

Today we did a little hiking, checked out some geysers around Old Faithful (saw a marmot sunning himself on a rock) and ended the day by watching the sunset at Grand Prismatic Spring. The sunset was beautiful because our surroundings were reflected on the water on the ground around us. Even with the thunderstorm coming up on us it was still amazing. (We did make it back to the car before the storm hit)

Day 307: Jun 13, 2015

It was our final day in the park. My dad and I decided to hike up a mountain to get a better view of Grand Prismatic. It wasn't a super high mountain but we hiked or climbed pretty much straight up. It was a well used “trail” because you could see how much erosion had been happening and how many different ways up there were. The dust and gravel were pretty loose so it wasn't a ton of fun going up because you didn't really know how much you could trust the ground that you were standing on and I haven't been real good with heights since I fell 20ft. The climb was totally worth it. The view was amazing. Going down the mountain/hill was not easy but I did have fun kind of skiing down the rocks and dust and I didn't fall until I was 20ft from the end of the trail. We spent the rest of the afternoon seeing the last of the geysers and pools that we hadn't seen yet. We got back to the hotel just in time to pack and watch the Stanley Cup game and when that was over we went to the taco bus in town and had a great taco to end the day.

Week 43

Day 294: May 31, 2015

I went out to 10 Mile Falls today. Even over the sound of construction I could pick out the sounds of the surrounding waterfalls from around the valley. They are crashing down the mountains right now. We have had a fair amount of rain in the last few days and the snow on the peaks is melting. The swallowtails have been fluttering around the valley like we see monarchs at home. I see maybe one or two a day. I don't think I had ever seen a swallowtail butterfly before coming here. I spent my afternoon making payment cards for Beanies. Basically, when people put money in the box they can take a card to help them remember how many they have paid for and how many they have left. Some of the guys seem uncomfortable with the honor system so I thought this would help.

Advice for the day from my mind to yours: Dances are only awkward if you stand at the side and feel awkward. Enjoy it! Dance!

Day 295: Jun 1, 2015

It is really starting to freak me out. The new guy looks so much like my ex it is weird. He reminds me of a mix of my ex and an old version of a family friend who is and was too smart for his own good. The family friend learned the social skills but this guy doesn't seem as smart (I think I heard something about community college, which doesn't mean much but still) but is kinda hard to like. Maybe it is my visual connection between him and other people I know but I guess we will see. He is here for a year so here is here for the remainder of my time so I will learn to adapt or accept.

Day 296: Jun 2, 2015

Not much to report. Going out in 3 days so I packed today.

Day 297: Jun 3, 2015

I am finding that the closer I get to going out the more I am realizing how much I need to get out of here. I didn't really feel it until after dinner today. I did get out of the village today, though. A few of my housemates and I went for a walk down the road. In fact, we went farther than I have ever walked down the road (which is only saying that we went more than a mile). It was nice. Only 2 more sleeps til I am out of wilderness and 3 til I see my parents.

Day 298: Jun 4, 2015

Not much to report. 2 days.

Day 299: Jun 5, 2015

This place I now call home:

I ride down the mountain in an old white van. The scenery changes every few minutes. We start in the village with it's buildings, and equipment and soon more to rocky forest. There are areas that have burned in recent years. The small things have regrown and the forest floor is green but the trunks of trees are black. The only hint that something has happened there. There is no hint of snow anymore. It has melted in the last few months and will not return until I am long gone. Then we come to the avalanche area or what we call “ol' faithful”. There are no trees to speak of. There are some larger bushes that tell of a calm winter- ol' faithful didn't slide this year- but other that there is just the bright green of spring. Soon enough, our mountains disappear from view and are replaced by ones that are nameless to me- we have entered the next valley and the comfort of buckskin, copper, dumbbell, and north star is gone. Along the way we pull over for the incoming traffic- a fuel container and an excavator. Upon reaching the dock we only have to wait about a half hour as we watch the boat slowly inch closer. It seems to take for ever but once on the boat you feel like you are speeding along. That fastest a vehicle is allowed to go in the village is 15 mph so anything more than that feels like speeding. I look out the back of the slow boat and there is a stark difference between “our side” of the lake and the east side. Our side looks lush and green while the other side is a rocky brown-grey with hints of grass and shrubs trying to survive the dry side. There is a sprinkling of trees that tend to gather around the avalanche and spring shoots. They are the lucky ones whose seed landed in the ideal spot for life. Even the valleys that cross-sect the lake are brown and grey. Some areas are even full of dead trees, probably died in a fire. They make the peaks look like they have short spiky hair. Even the areas that are green are like lacework. The greenery has grown on the flat areas and the rock has shorn off to make the beautiful green and grey lace.

Day 300: Jun 6, 2015

On my way to Yellowstone! On my first flight there was a guy one seat over from me who was rocking the air guitar. He was having his a concert in his head. It was hilarious. Then, while I was waiting for my next flight a little boy came up to me and wanted to watch the Lorax with me. Of course, I said yes. I mean, how do you say no to a 3 year old who wants to watch the Lorax? The rest of the day was spent mostly in a car. It was great to see my parents again.